It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
