all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
