nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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