i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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