You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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