I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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