um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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