i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What a dumb baby whore.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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