The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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