so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
