I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
