I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
