I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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