another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
as a side note pls kill me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
