...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
