Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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