She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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