So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
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And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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