Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
