Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
