Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
