someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
not ubering you a puppy
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
