i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
