I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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