Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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