so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
