Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
and you fell through a lawn chair
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
