You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I looked at my own cervix.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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