You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
