I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is Oprah even human
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
