There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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