Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My room smells like vodka and shame
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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