everyone is single if you try hard enough
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
