id be glad to
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
