I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i believe in u and ur pee
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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