We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
