How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
