Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
