i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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