I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is wine microwaveable?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
