I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
How's work?
Spinning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
