i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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