She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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