Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
