You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
