my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize