Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
