Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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