but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
