Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please don't give away my fajitas
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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