The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
