Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
