addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
