the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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