Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my shit smells like andre
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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