is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
