I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
