birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
