Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
