I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
