Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
