is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
