Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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