By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?