I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize