Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.