you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will be naked everywhere
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE