the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm