i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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