it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
