I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
