thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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