Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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