i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
