just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
