If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
