he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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