ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
