I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You're earring is so big in my mouth
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
