im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
