you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
