im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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