Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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