soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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