I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
