did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
