this boner is exhausting
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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