dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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