dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
